Compassionate Skills
Compassion focused therapy (CFT) aims to help people to develop compassionate skills and to learn to apply these to themselves.
By developing compassionate skills, you should find that you are able to enhance the soothing system, and to ensure that this is more in balance with the threat system and the drive system. The expectation is that this would lead to a reduction in emotional distress.
Sometimes people question whether they should be more compassionate to themselves. They worry that it will affect their ability to achieve, or that they do not deserve it. It can be helpful to take a step back from it, and to think about what sort of school you would want to send a child to. Would you want them to be constantly criticised or humiliated for getting things wrong? Would you want their mistakes to be pointed out in a harsh or mocking way? Or would you want them to be supported with kindness and warmth? To have things gently explained to them when they make mistakes and to be encouraged when they get things right?
There are many different types of compassionate skills that people can learn - and different ones suit different people. We have summarised some below - although you may find that it is helpful to discuss and practise them with a therapist.
Compassionate attention - this looks at what we are 'choosing' to apply our attention to. Compassionate attending may involve focussing on a compassionate image, object, smell, person, or experience. Something that helps us to access a compassionate feeling within ourselves in order to turn our minds towards the idea of self-compassion.
Compassionate thinking/reasoning - this relates to the process of thinking and reasoning. The idea here is to bring balance and perspective to our thinking. Attempting to stop automatic, critical, overemotional thinking and to develop and apply ideas of common humanity - how would we see this situation if it were happening to anybody else?
Compassionate behaviour - this focuses on what would feel like the most helpful, nurturing, supportive or encouraging thing to do. Compassionate behaviour isn't just 'being nice to yourself', it is applying self-courage and positive action.
Compassionate emotion and feeling - this focuses on trying to develop a compassionate emotional tone to your process of growth and development. Compassionate emotions might include warmth, kindness, gentleness and soothing. We try to make the thoughts images and feelings in our mind warm, gentle and soft. Experiencing and developing these emotions are important for self-soothing and contentment.